unclefather:

my ex got mad on facebook when he found out i was seeing someone else and he wrote “i hope he likes your loose pussy” so i commented back and wrote “my vagina is a muscle that will go back to the same size after sex. your penis will never get any bigger.” and now he is messaging me saying “delete that comment now”

sp0nge-worthy:

What do you call it if a guy gets an erection at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

I’ll be here all night, folks. 👊

1. Sometimes you’ll be like, “HEY EVERYONE LET’S DO SUSHI AND DRINKS AND FUN STUFF TOMORROW NIGHT!” but then tomorrow night comes and you regret everything as you try to weasel your way out of plans that you created. You resent 24-Hours-Ago-You for being so enthusiastic.
14 Struggles Of Being Happy and Social Or Sad and Standoffish With No In-between (via lonely—eyes)

(Source: artbylexie)

  • *accidentally purposely turns conversation sexual*
  • theme by modernise